My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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