I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
3pm strippers are depressing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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