I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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