I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
