u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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