Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
