I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
