does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
is wine microwaveable?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
this will be a night to untag.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
