dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
