Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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