I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
