So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
