What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
