just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
