I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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