my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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