In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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