I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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