she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
