Fine. I'll sleep in my office
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
