i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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