you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
