laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
