It was confusing and full of hummus
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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