I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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