I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
