just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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