ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
