why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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