OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
