im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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