It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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