Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
