Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
