omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
