Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just want nice things and good sex
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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