dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
