dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
