I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
