The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
