I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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