I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
