The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
