Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
