Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
