Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
