is your mom at the bar?
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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