these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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