we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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