Do vagina's smell?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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