we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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