So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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